With the summer hitting full swing our weekends have gotten more interesting, not to worry, our weekdays are still a never ending ball of boredom. I’m gonna try and get caught up on about two weekends worth of stories.
Two weeks ago.
I was working in a heavily Hispanic area of town when we received a call of a disturbance in progress at some apartments. It was occurring in apartment #37. We arrived on scene and began banging on the door but got no answer. We could hear arguing inside but couldn’t decipher the drunken Spanish screaming through a door. We were about to call our sarge to get the authorization to kick in the door (oh yeah this rookie was itching to kick in the door, that is one thing i haven’t done yet. That and this door looked like it would be real easy, so a nice boost for the ego.) when my partner said do you hear that. we could hear breaking glass and he said make sure their not going out the window. I ran down stairs and he joined me looking up at the second story when I heard a distinctive noise. The sound of shoes on metal stairs is a sound that I think anyone would recognize, however it took my slow mind a minute to figure out what was going on. Then I turned with what I can only assume was a really stupid look on my face and yelled he's going out the back. My partner and I ran around the back to see a guy taking off down the block. We yelled for him to stop, and in a move that only made sense in his drunken stupor he did. We ran up and found him covered in dried blood. I went ahead and put handcuffs on him until we could figure out what had occurred. I sat him in the back of my car and went back up stairs to get to the bottom of the story. We found a really drunk girl and guy. We figured out in broken Spanish that the guy in my car was her boy friend and he had been beating her up.
While we were getting the story Dispatch asked "Gumpcop, we are getting a 911 call from apartment #39 about banging on the door. Is that going to be involved with your case? I advised negative and headed to figure out the problem. I assumed it was a call about all the noise we had made earlier trying to get into the apartment next door. I walked up to the door and knocked the door opened to reveal a young woman almost in tears. I came in and talked with her and she told me banging on the kitchen door. I tried to reassure her and then checked out the door. When I did I found a drunken man stumbling around at the bottom of the steps. I quickly told her to lock the door back and went down stairs. I got the man and took him up to the front where my partner saw me walk around pulling this drunk man with me. I eventually arrested him for public intoxication. I then went back to the woman's door. When I talked with her she told me that she was just trying to fix her baby a bottle.
A quick note about this woman. (not to cloud the waters of immigration debate, but)
She was in her twenties and was relatively pretty. She had the look of terror in her eyes when I first met her and when I told her he was going to jail i saw the relief come over her. When I looked around her apartment I saw a home that could easily have passed for your house or mine. This was obviously a woman that took pride in her family and her home. This was in sharp contrast to most of the homes I go into which are one step above a pigpin. I’ve been in houses where the roaches don’t even run when you turn on the lights. As I continued talking with this girl She became uneasy when i got her information. She was worried about her information being turned over to the INS. The cruel irony is that I deal with Hispanics that are American citizens everyday that are gang members and thugs and then I run into this seemingly hard working woman trying to make a life that is illegal. Man it defiantly made me realize that the "Immigration Debate" is not as black and white as everyone thinks.
That call made me feel like a real Cop I got to help someone in their moment of weakness and I feel I handled myself well in a crazy situation. But proving God has a sense of humor as soon as I start to feel more confident I quickly learned rookie lesson #58
The other night I had the opportunity to deal with three very drunk 17 and 18 yr olds. We had gotten a BOLO on these kids and I spotted them walking behind some apartments. I got out with them and realized they were drunk. We had them blow on the alco-senosor and confirmed they were all intoxicated. Everything was going well and I was handling it like a professional until i stepped off to confirm with my fellow officers. This is the point of the story where i should let you know that my dashboard camera is on because I turned on my lights to stop the boys. I of course being the ohh so intelligent rookie did not realize this little fact. I proceeded to walk over and begin talking to my fellow officers. I say something along the lines of I think I should arrest them, wheat do you think? But I couldn’t stop there no I had to get my foot into my mouth. I then said you know what happened to the last drunk I let go (http://gumpcop.blogspot.com/2007/05/another-satisfied-customer.html)
Then in an ohh so classy move I proceeded to make a train noise. Yeah and thanks to the wonders of wireless technology it was all caught in crystal clear digital video.
So Rookie Lesson #58 is don’t say stupid things especially with sound effects. Or if you do at least make sure the camera is off.
Wow the life of a rookie, God makes sure he keeps me humble.
Thursday, July 5, 2007
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Rookie lesson # 57
Rookie lesson # 57
I learned another rookie lesson tonight. Turns out the P on the dash stands for park.
I was sitting along a major road trying to find a car to stop while about three blocks away two officers foot patrolled near a local homeless shelter. Suddenly I heard one of the officers yelling 10-80 (a chase). I knew roughly where they were so I threw the car into drive hit the blue lights and took off. I flew down the road trying to figure out where they were. I looked up and saw one of the officers running across the road ahead of me. I then heard them yelling “office depot.” So I took a left and spotted an officer chasing a white male running across the parking lot. I flew up beside the man at which time he stopped running. I then slammed on the brakes screeching to a halt. (side note: watching the video later it was pretty awesome gunning the engine with a loud roar then screeching to a halt.)
I jumped out yelling for him to get on the ground. He was standing looking back at the other officer as we yelled for him to get on the ground. I then used all of my ultimate Popo skills and grabbed the guy and slammed him to the ground. After I got his arms behind his back me and the other officer got him cuffed and into custody.
Did I leave something out you may be asking yourself? Well I may have over looked one little detail.
As I finished cuffing the guy another officer walked up and said you left your car running and I was like what? Thinking why does that matter. Then he said “your car, you left it rolling” I looked back and saw one of the original officers from the foot chase walking back from my car which was about 50 feet from where I left it and all of about 3 feet from a rather large brick column on the front of office depot. Needless to say I suddenly got a little weak in the knee. I went from “man did you see me lay that guy out to man, thank you so much for saving my butt.
About the time we have everything under control my sergeant arrived and the officer who had first informed me of my runaway car proceeded to play his video for the sarge. In it you can clearly see me on the ground tussling with the bad guy then hear him say on the radio “someone stop the rolling car” and then the other officer sprints past me to catch my car that still has all of the blue lights going while steadily approaching the very ugly brick wall. It was defiantly a close call.
Ohh I knew I was going to hear all about this but I didn’t realize how quickly. One officer was kind enough to get on the radio and say Dispatch we will be in service ohh and update the dispatch screen to shown that Gumpcop’s car didn’t hit the building. I had to stop the car cause I couldn’t drive because I was laughing so hard.
I learned another rookie lesson tonight. Turns out the P on the dash stands for park.
I was sitting along a major road trying to find a car to stop while about three blocks away two officers foot patrolled near a local homeless shelter. Suddenly I heard one of the officers yelling 10-80 (a chase). I knew roughly where they were so I threw the car into drive hit the blue lights and took off. I flew down the road trying to figure out where they were. I looked up and saw one of the officers running across the road ahead of me. I then heard them yelling “office depot.” So I took a left and spotted an officer chasing a white male running across the parking lot. I flew up beside the man at which time he stopped running. I then slammed on the brakes screeching to a halt. (side note: watching the video later it was pretty awesome gunning the engine with a loud roar then screeching to a halt.)
I jumped out yelling for him to get on the ground. He was standing looking back at the other officer as we yelled for him to get on the ground. I then used all of my ultimate Popo skills and grabbed the guy and slammed him to the ground. After I got his arms behind his back me and the other officer got him cuffed and into custody.
Did I leave something out you may be asking yourself? Well I may have over looked one little detail.
As I finished cuffing the guy another officer walked up and said you left your car running and I was like what? Thinking why does that matter. Then he said “your car, you left it rolling” I looked back and saw one of the original officers from the foot chase walking back from my car which was about 50 feet from where I left it and all of about 3 feet from a rather large brick column on the front of office depot. Needless to say I suddenly got a little weak in the knee. I went from “man did you see me lay that guy out to man, thank you so much for saving my butt.
About the time we have everything under control my sergeant arrived and the officer who had first informed me of my runaway car proceeded to play his video for the sarge. In it you can clearly see me on the ground tussling with the bad guy then hear him say on the radio “someone stop the rolling car” and then the other officer sprints past me to catch my car that still has all of the blue lights going while steadily approaching the very ugly brick wall. It was defiantly a close call.
Ohh I knew I was going to hear all about this but I didn’t realize how quickly. One officer was kind enough to get on the radio and say Dispatch we will be in service ohh and update the dispatch screen to shown that Gumpcop’s car didn’t hit the building. I had to stop the car cause I couldn’t drive because I was laughing so hard.
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Just when you think it is safe to go in the water...
Well Ive been busy answering those serious life threatening calls that officers are confronted with every day. Two perfect examples:
Example#1
I was dispatched to the police department at 1 in the morning in regards to a meeting a woman that wanted to report what happened to her at a local car dealership. I was confused until i actually got on scene and met the woman. She began to tell me about looking at cars at the dealership. She told me that she was looking at one car and turned around to look at another. when she did she tripped over a concrete step and fell on the curb. You might ask yourself why does this involve the police. because we are the recorder of everything of course. Yes this girl and her husband insisted i take a police report to record this terrible tragedy, but don't worry they assured me they did not want a lawsuit... but i wont be surprised when they are in court with the dealership owner. ahh God Bless America Land of the Lawsuit.
Example #2
Last week I was dispatched to a call. This is what was dispatched. Gumpcop be in route to insert name of the projects here in reference to a man who found a rock with the #23 painted on it in a pipe. Well I figured this would be nothing if not amusing. I arrived and was met at the road by a very excited man. He said that he called because behind his house he found a rock with the number 23 painted on it. Well as we started walking toward the location of this "suspicious" rock a woman came out of the apartment nearest to us. She was approximately 300lbs around 60years old and wearing yep you guessed it, a moomoo. She began telling me how she was scared because of the rock having a 23 on it, at which time our neighborhood hero chimed in with "yeah I know that the number 23 is the number of those Hispanic gangs." Ohh you mean 13 I responded, at which point our hero suddenly got quiet. I walked back to look at the rock and discovered it was in fact a drain culvert running under a nearby road. The concrete around the pipe was marked with a small neatly painted 23. I tried to explain that these numbers painted in bright orange marking paint were not the work of a roving band of very confused Hispanic gangbangers, but were the work of a government worker mapping the pipe for the Dept. of Transportation. At this explanation our damsel in distress in the every fashionable moomoo confided in me that the reason she was scared was.....her neighbors mother went to church with an FBI agent who had told her that a gang was going to rape and murder a white woman. It took a while to convince her that those rumors were part of an Internet hoax.
Which brings us to the second thing of the night that Americans Love. We do love our urban legends almost as much as we love suing each other.
I went back in service letting dispatch know that it would be unfounded on any criminal activity.
All of this brings me back to the point that if you choose to enter the Gene Pool do so at your own risk, there is no lifeguard on duty.
Example#1
I was dispatched to the police department at 1 in the morning in regards to a meeting a woman that wanted to report what happened to her at a local car dealership. I was confused until i actually got on scene and met the woman. She began to tell me about looking at cars at the dealership. She told me that she was looking at one car and turned around to look at another. when she did she tripped over a concrete step and fell on the curb. You might ask yourself why does this involve the police. because we are the recorder of everything of course. Yes this girl and her husband insisted i take a police report to record this terrible tragedy, but don't worry they assured me they did not want a lawsuit... but i wont be surprised when they are in court with the dealership owner. ahh God Bless America Land of the Lawsuit.
Example #2
Last week I was dispatched to a call. This is what was dispatched. Gumpcop be in route to insert name of the projects here in reference to a man who found a rock with the #23 painted on it in a pipe. Well I figured this would be nothing if not amusing. I arrived and was met at the road by a very excited man. He said that he called because behind his house he found a rock with the number 23 painted on it. Well as we started walking toward the location of this "suspicious" rock a woman came out of the apartment nearest to us. She was approximately 300lbs around 60years old and wearing yep you guessed it, a moomoo. She began telling me how she was scared because of the rock having a 23 on it, at which time our neighborhood hero chimed in with "yeah I know that the number 23 is the number of those Hispanic gangs." Ohh you mean 13 I responded, at which point our hero suddenly got quiet. I walked back to look at the rock and discovered it was in fact a drain culvert running under a nearby road. The concrete around the pipe was marked with a small neatly painted 23. I tried to explain that these numbers painted in bright orange marking paint were not the work of a roving band of very confused Hispanic gangbangers, but were the work of a government worker mapping the pipe for the Dept. of Transportation. At this explanation our damsel in distress in the every fashionable moomoo confided in me that the reason she was scared was.....her neighbors mother went to church with an FBI agent who had told her that a gang was going to rape and murder a white woman. It took a while to convince her that those rumors were part of an Internet hoax.
Which brings us to the second thing of the night that Americans Love. We do love our urban legends almost as much as we love suing each other.
I went back in service letting dispatch know that it would be unfounded on any criminal activity.
All of this brings me back to the point that if you choose to enter the Gene Pool do so at your own risk, there is no lifeguard on duty.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
I was "talking" now I have a rash!
Sorry I haven’t posted in a while.
Im trying to work out a system to post more often.
Well things have been relatively quiet. I have answered no serious emergencies lately, which brings out a point about police work I never realized before putting on the badge. Many times a good “hot” call will come out but you miss it because your across the city tied up with something. There have been car chases, foot chases, wanted fugitives, and even a guy who broke into someones house to try and get away from the people beating him up. Did I mention he was gushing blood out of the huge fracture in his skull all over these poor people’s living room. Can you imagine that surprise when you walk into your living room. Well despite all of these things I have spent most of my time driving in circles fighting off sleep.
I did run into a couple of 30yr olds acting like 15 yr olds. How you ask, by going parking (the last sentence should be read while having some one sing “BOW SHICK A BOW WOW” in the back ground. I pulled into a gravel parking lot at the convention center and spotted something way back in the trees. I rolled up and realized it was a car. Well I called out that I was getting out with a suspicious car and began walking toward the car when the man jumped out of the driver’s seat. I yelled at him to get back in the car. I then walked up to see these two thirty year olds sitting there looking very guilty. The man had a suit on but his shirt was untucked and his belt was undone. I asked what they were doing out here and they replied “talking” I almost laughed out loud and asked ohh then why are your pants undone. Surprisingly he decided not to answer I guess he remembered the right to remain silent. After I checked both for warrants I told them that I didn’t really care what they had been doing but if they were talking they could find a better place to do it, and if they were doing something else there was defiantly better places to be doing that. They agreed and moved on. I just wish I could have had an excuse to call their homes Im sure at least one of them was married to someone else. I should have arrested them and let them explain that to their families. Of course they better watch out or they might end up with a funky rash from all that "talking" they were doing.
Im trying to work out a system to post more often.
Well things have been relatively quiet. I have answered no serious emergencies lately, which brings out a point about police work I never realized before putting on the badge. Many times a good “hot” call will come out but you miss it because your across the city tied up with something. There have been car chases, foot chases, wanted fugitives, and even a guy who broke into someones house to try and get away from the people beating him up. Did I mention he was gushing blood out of the huge fracture in his skull all over these poor people’s living room. Can you imagine that surprise when you walk into your living room. Well despite all of these things I have spent most of my time driving in circles fighting off sleep.
I did run into a couple of 30yr olds acting like 15 yr olds. How you ask, by going parking (the last sentence should be read while having some one sing “BOW SHICK A BOW WOW” in the back ground. I pulled into a gravel parking lot at the convention center and spotted something way back in the trees. I rolled up and realized it was a car. Well I called out that I was getting out with a suspicious car and began walking toward the car when the man jumped out of the driver’s seat. I yelled at him to get back in the car. I then walked up to see these two thirty year olds sitting there looking very guilty. The man had a suit on but his shirt was untucked and his belt was undone. I asked what they were doing out here and they replied “talking” I almost laughed out loud and asked ohh then why are your pants undone. Surprisingly he decided not to answer I guess he remembered the right to remain silent. After I checked both for warrants I told them that I didn’t really care what they had been doing but if they were talking they could find a better place to do it, and if they were doing something else there was defiantly better places to be doing that. They agreed and moved on. I just wish I could have had an excuse to call their homes Im sure at least one of them was married to someone else. I should have arrested them and let them explain that to their families. Of course they better watch out or they might end up with a funky rash from all that "talking" they were doing.
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Another Satisfied Customer
Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.
This last week I had the chance to show that I had learned from my past experiences. Last Saturday I had backed another officer up in dealing with a very drunk person. She put the drunk man into a taxi and sent him home. Well about two hours later I see the same man staggering along the side of the road. Before I tell you how the story ended up let me tell you about a call I answered my second night solo.
March 11th 2007
I was dispatched to a call of a guy passed out in someone’s yard. I got on scene and sure enough this guy was very drunk and very asleep in someone’s yard. Well I woke him up and realized that I actually had met his guy before. I had arrested him for fighting a few months back. Another unit arrived and I told them his name and they went to check him for warrants. He returned clear and as we talked I decided I didn’t really want to put him in my car. Did I mention that he had urinated all over himself? So I asked if he had any money , he responded yes and pulled out a clump of wadded up bills. I summoned him a taxi and sent him on his way home……well almost
About 45 minutes later the call went out that the train had hit someone. My first though was don’t let it be the guy from earlier. I responded to the call and began walking the tracks with the rest of the shift. Eventually an officer found the mans body under a bride about a quarter of a mile from where we had been told he would be. I drove my car to the location and as I parked the officer that had been out earlier came up and said what did Juan have on? My only reaction was to say don’t even joke like that but as I walked toward the body I realized he wasn’t. The emt’s took out the man’s wallet and I instantly knew it was the man from earlier. He had apparently been laying on the tracks when the train came along. It hit him cutting his legs off and tossing his body approximately 10 feet. Apparently the money he showed me added up to a grand total of 4 dollars which got him as far as the railroad tracks. Despite his intoxicated state he managed to walk about half a mile before being hit. This was the first time I was listed in the local paper as “a police department officer” The second time I would be referred to as a local police officer was in the case of the murderer.
Back to our drunk stumbling down the road. I did not want to be listed in the paper again this soon so I got out with the man. I could not perform traditional sobriety test on him because we were standing on the side of a steep hill and he was very drunk. I didn’t want to baby sit a drunk at the hospital after he landed on his face after attempting to stand on one foot. He did fail one test he referred to me as his homeboy about 100 times. Which is not something sober people do. He blew a .236 on the breath test. Despite his begging me to let him go home I took him to jail. Surprisingly he did not thank me for preventing his sudden demise by train, but instead insisted I was the reason that cops get shot.
I guess Law Enforcement isn’t a career where the customer is always right.
This last week I had the chance to show that I had learned from my past experiences. Last Saturday I had backed another officer up in dealing with a very drunk person. She put the drunk man into a taxi and sent him home. Well about two hours later I see the same man staggering along the side of the road. Before I tell you how the story ended up let me tell you about a call I answered my second night solo.
March 11th 2007
I was dispatched to a call of a guy passed out in someone’s yard. I got on scene and sure enough this guy was very drunk and very asleep in someone’s yard. Well I woke him up and realized that I actually had met his guy before. I had arrested him for fighting a few months back. Another unit arrived and I told them his name and they went to check him for warrants. He returned clear and as we talked I decided I didn’t really want to put him in my car. Did I mention that he had urinated all over himself? So I asked if he had any money , he responded yes and pulled out a clump of wadded up bills. I summoned him a taxi and sent him on his way home……well almost
About 45 minutes later the call went out that the train had hit someone. My first though was don’t let it be the guy from earlier. I responded to the call and began walking the tracks with the rest of the shift. Eventually an officer found the mans body under a bride about a quarter of a mile from where we had been told he would be. I drove my car to the location and as I parked the officer that had been out earlier came up and said what did Juan have on? My only reaction was to say don’t even joke like that but as I walked toward the body I realized he wasn’t. The emt’s took out the man’s wallet and I instantly knew it was the man from earlier. He had apparently been laying on the tracks when the train came along. It hit him cutting his legs off and tossing his body approximately 10 feet. Apparently the money he showed me added up to a grand total of 4 dollars which got him as far as the railroad tracks. Despite his intoxicated state he managed to walk about half a mile before being hit. This was the first time I was listed in the local paper as “a police department officer” The second time I would be referred to as a local police officer was in the case of the murderer.
Back to our drunk stumbling down the road. I did not want to be listed in the paper again this soon so I got out with the man. I could not perform traditional sobriety test on him because we were standing on the side of a steep hill and he was very drunk. I didn’t want to baby sit a drunk at the hospital after he landed on his face after attempting to stand on one foot. He did fail one test he referred to me as his homeboy about 100 times. Which is not something sober people do. He blew a .236 on the breath test. Despite his begging me to let him go home I took him to jail. Surprisingly he did not thank me for preventing his sudden demise by train, but instead insisted I was the reason that cops get shot.
I guess Law Enforcement isn’t a career where the customer is always right.
Cowboys and Taterguns
Reality is funnier than fiction!
I must start by saying I am not making this up. Last week the Sheriff’s office got in a chase…..with a horse. I was driving along when suddenly my sergeant posted the message on the computer that the county was in a chase with a horse. Needless to say I quickly flipped to their radio channel to listen to the chase in progress. As they screamed out updated positions you could hear the sound of the horse’s hooves on the concrete. If it hadn’t been the sound of the horse running I probably wouldn’t have believed they were really chasing a horse. I later talked to the officer that chased the horse and he told me what had happened. He had tried to stop the man for being drunk in public. The man responded by kicking his heals into the horse and taking off. The deputies took off running after the horse. The man rode around a house where another deputy ordered him off the horse. The drunken redneck responded by telling them “I aint gettin down your gonna have to shoot me with yur Tater gun.” Unfortunately the deputies did not have a tazer with them or else we might have learned the answer to the question I have been wondering? If you taze a horse will it fall over and crush the suspect? If anyone knows the answer to that question, or better yet has a video, let me know. This guy ended up riding his horse off into the night and getting away. If only they had a “Tater gun”
I must start by saying I am not making this up. Last week the Sheriff’s office got in a chase…..with a horse. I was driving along when suddenly my sergeant posted the message on the computer that the county was in a chase with a horse. Needless to say I quickly flipped to their radio channel to listen to the chase in progress. As they screamed out updated positions you could hear the sound of the horse’s hooves on the concrete. If it hadn’t been the sound of the horse running I probably wouldn’t have believed they were really chasing a horse. I later talked to the officer that chased the horse and he told me what had happened. He had tried to stop the man for being drunk in public. The man responded by kicking his heals into the horse and taking off. The deputies took off running after the horse. The man rode around a house where another deputy ordered him off the horse. The drunken redneck responded by telling them “I aint gettin down your gonna have to shoot me with yur Tater gun.” Unfortunately the deputies did not have a tazer with them or else we might have learned the answer to the question I have been wondering? If you taze a horse will it fall over and crush the suspect? If anyone knows the answer to that question, or better yet has a video, let me know. This guy ended up riding his horse off into the night and getting away. If only they had a “Tater gun”
Saturday, April 21, 2007
The Snozberries taste like Snozberries
Well another exciting week living the dream. The last two nights have been exciting and the veteran cops keep telling me that as it heats up we will continue to get busier, so I should have lots to blog about.
Thursday
This was the night of crimes in progress. My blue lights got lots of exercise. We had a domestic in progress, a bar fight in progress which was dispatched as five people fighting in the parking lot, a disturbance in progress at the local apartments that are full of sketchy people, a second bar fight at the same bar, a disturbance in progress that turned out to be a drunk trying to fighting everyone in an apartment full of girls. At one point I thought wow this is an exciting Friday night only to look down and realize it was a Thursday.
Friday
We actually had less calls on Friday than Thursday but I have realized that it only takes one good call to make the night one to remember. That call came out at about 3:30am. It was a drunken guy in the parking lot of Kroger. Another officer was sent to the call and I went to back him up. When he arrived on scene he found the guy sanding staring at a parked car in the middle of the parking lot. I found the man who had called in to 911 and he told me that the guy and a friend had gotten out a car and one had gone into Kroger while the other guy began walking the parking lot staring at random things on the ground before walking to the gas station. At the gas station he began (I don’t know how to say this without being crude) humping a metal pole. I actually had to ask the man did he have his pants on, thankful the guy had remained fully clothed. I went into the store to find the friend while my partner stayed with the first guy. I found the guy wandering down an aisle looking very confused. I walked up to him and asked what have you guys been doing. He began answering in a mumbled almost impossible to understand gibberish. This went on for about 30 seconds before he suddenly said "man you’re a police officer" I told him to come with me and he agreed. On the way I said how much weed did yall smoke he, surprisingly clearly for his condition, said "we smoked alot of weed." I got him outside and he continued to make no sense rambling about all sorts of things. At one point he told me that my police car was his. I tried to do field sobriety with him and it turned into a humorous experience trying to explain the testing to a person with an attention span that makes a two year old look mature. He eventually decided that he didn’t want to take the test and tried to walk off. At this point I went ahead and put him under arrest for public intoxication.
Once we had both in handcuffs in the back of our cars things continued to be interesting. My guy kept trying to mess with his shoes so I open the door and reached into the back seat and took them off him to search them. When I told him to put his feet up so I could put his shoes back on he looked up at me with surprise and said “how did those get out there?” The other guy was in the back of the patrol car and he looked at me and told me that the orange sticker was illegal. Of course there was no orange sticker anywhere within view but that didn’t seem to phase him. He also had more to worry about when he started telling us that he was on fire.
We concluded that they were probably under the affect of some other drug as well as the marijuana. We were unable to determine if it was LSD or some kind of Meth but it was clear to see that they were out of their minds. For all of the people that have seen the movie Super Troopers these guys were more messed up than the guys that told his friends that the snozberries taste like snozberries. Don’t worry the story does not end there the fun continued at the jail.
When we got them to the jail they were stripped searched because of the fact that drugs were involved. My guy cooperated and followed instructions. However when they got to the portion of the test requiring him to take two fingers put them in his mouth and pull his cheeks apart he seemed to have troubles. He first stuck a finger in his mouth and sucked on it then when we told him again what had to be done he looked like he understood and then proceeded to shove his finger as far up his nose as is humanly possible. At this point I lost all professional composure and ran out of the room cracking up. I laughed so hard that I cried.
These guys were so high they probably won’t remember any of it. Which is good especially for the one guy who decided to fight at the jail and got tazed. He is gonna be real surprised when he comes to in the morning in the restraint chair hurting all over and charged with felony obstruction of an officer.
Needless to say these are not the sharpest tacks in the box. But at one point one of them made my night when he leaned forward and licked the plexiglass barrier between the seats. Unfortunately he was unable to tell us if the snozberries do taste like snozberries.
Thursday
This was the night of crimes in progress. My blue lights got lots of exercise. We had a domestic in progress, a bar fight in progress which was dispatched as five people fighting in the parking lot, a disturbance in progress at the local apartments that are full of sketchy people, a second bar fight at the same bar, a disturbance in progress that turned out to be a drunk trying to fighting everyone in an apartment full of girls. At one point I thought wow this is an exciting Friday night only to look down and realize it was a Thursday.
Friday
We actually had less calls on Friday than Thursday but I have realized that it only takes one good call to make the night one to remember. That call came out at about 3:30am. It was a drunken guy in the parking lot of Kroger. Another officer was sent to the call and I went to back him up. When he arrived on scene he found the guy sanding staring at a parked car in the middle of the parking lot. I found the man who had called in to 911 and he told me that the guy and a friend had gotten out a car and one had gone into Kroger while the other guy began walking the parking lot staring at random things on the ground before walking to the gas station. At the gas station he began (I don’t know how to say this without being crude) humping a metal pole. I actually had to ask the man did he have his pants on, thankful the guy had remained fully clothed. I went into the store to find the friend while my partner stayed with the first guy. I found the guy wandering down an aisle looking very confused. I walked up to him and asked what have you guys been doing. He began answering in a mumbled almost impossible to understand gibberish. This went on for about 30 seconds before he suddenly said "man you’re a police officer" I told him to come with me and he agreed. On the way I said how much weed did yall smoke he, surprisingly clearly for his condition, said "we smoked alot of weed." I got him outside and he continued to make no sense rambling about all sorts of things. At one point he told me that my police car was his. I tried to do field sobriety with him and it turned into a humorous experience trying to explain the testing to a person with an attention span that makes a two year old look mature. He eventually decided that he didn’t want to take the test and tried to walk off. At this point I went ahead and put him under arrest for public intoxication.
Once we had both in handcuffs in the back of our cars things continued to be interesting. My guy kept trying to mess with his shoes so I open the door and reached into the back seat and took them off him to search them. When I told him to put his feet up so I could put his shoes back on he looked up at me with surprise and said “how did those get out there?” The other guy was in the back of the patrol car and he looked at me and told me that the orange sticker was illegal. Of course there was no orange sticker anywhere within view but that didn’t seem to phase him. He also had more to worry about when he started telling us that he was on fire.
We concluded that they were probably under the affect of some other drug as well as the marijuana. We were unable to determine if it was LSD or some kind of Meth but it was clear to see that they were out of their minds. For all of the people that have seen the movie Super Troopers these guys were more messed up than the guys that told his friends that the snozberries taste like snozberries. Don’t worry the story does not end there the fun continued at the jail.
When we got them to the jail they were stripped searched because of the fact that drugs were involved. My guy cooperated and followed instructions. However when they got to the portion of the test requiring him to take two fingers put them in his mouth and pull his cheeks apart he seemed to have troubles. He first stuck a finger in his mouth and sucked on it then when we told him again what had to be done he looked like he understood and then proceeded to shove his finger as far up his nose as is humanly possible. At this point I lost all professional composure and ran out of the room cracking up. I laughed so hard that I cried.
These guys were so high they probably won’t remember any of it. Which is good especially for the one guy who decided to fight at the jail and got tazed. He is gonna be real surprised when he comes to in the morning in the restraint chair hurting all over and charged with felony obstruction of an officer.
Needless to say these are not the sharpest tacks in the box. But at one point one of them made my night when he leaned forward and licked the plexiglass barrier between the seats. Unfortunately he was unable to tell us if the snozberries do taste like snozberries.
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